Ain't No Picnic.

Can We Crowdsource a ThaT Burger in London?

2011-08-30T16:28:00.000+01:00

I'm not entirely sure what the word "crowdsource" means, it seems like one of those words they would use in a Guardian live blog, see also - "blogosphere" (vomit) - that I'm not sure anyone really understands.

ThaT Burger was a very good restaurant that was open for a disappointingly short amount of time, this might be because it was conveniently located in Watford, i.e nowhere near anything good. It just happened to serve the kind of hamburger I'm quite a big fan of - 2oz patties of fresh Angus chuck cooked on a flat chrome griddle, toasted squishy white buns, lettuce, American cheese and pickles. It was really really great. See?

Unfortunately for all concerned, ThaT Burger's proximity (literally 10 metres) to a McDonald's and perhaps the people of Watford's unwillingness to experiment proved too much for the business and they shut in early February. On my final visit I was fed nearly everything on the menu (it was an uncomfortable drive back to south London) by ThaT Burger owner and all round good guy Justin Davies, who despite obvious disappointment seemed optimistic about the future.

6 months on from ThaT Burger's closure it doesn't seem any closer to re-opening so I'm starting some sort of half-hearted, pseudo campaign for ThaT Burger to move to London proper. Following some Twitter "buzz" (the most terrifying of all kinds of "buzz") about the opening of a London branch of rather westerly - California, to be exact - hamburger chain In'N'Out, something that I've often stated will never ever happen, I figured that the re-emergence of the really very excellent ThaT Burger would be the best thing for all concerned.

If only we could just talk Justin in to dropping that slightly annoying second capitalised T I'd be a very happy man. If you'd like to eat what I think will be the closest thing to an In'N'Out you should send Justin a Facebook communicae or preferably non-threatening e-mail telling him how much you'd like to see ThaT Burger open somewhere in the very centre of London or even just give him your money. Lovely stuff.

ThaT Burger on Facebook

* THE PHOTO IN THIS POST IS TAKEN FROM THE WILL EAT FOR MONEY BLOG AND ITS TYRANNICAL OVERLORD IBRAHIM SALHA.

ONE DAY SPECIAL!

2011-08-28T19:53:00.000+01:00

Well, it'll certainly happen for one day. Special? Maybe not so much.

Anyways - at next Sunday's West Norwood Feast (that's the 4th September, date fans) and for one month only I'm doing away with the 2oz, onion laden, New Jersey-style slider. BUT WAIT! Things aren't as bad as they seem because for one day only, I'm going to be doing a smashed 4oz number.

So that's a plain and simple 4oz of East London Steak Company Shorthorn beef (a blend of chuck, short rib and brisket), smashed onto a burning hot griddle, on a toasted squishy white bun from Kindred bakery in Herne Hill topped with/without a slice of American cheese, home made dill pickles and diced white onion.

It might look something like this.

But then it might not. That photo of a single cheeseburger from nice looking fast food chain Steak n Shake, was taken (stolen) from the excellent A Hamburger Today website, thanks you lovely people - I hope you haven't been blown away (I don't know if you've heard, there was a hurricane).

So that's next Sunday, West Norwood - I'll have some hamburgers and you should come. YEAH?

YEAH!

Honest Burgers, Brixton Village

2011-07-27T20:50:00.004+01:00

HI!

You might remember that there was a fairly stupid review of Brixton Village's Honest Burgers in this space. Well, thanks to the volume of snarky comments/e-mails/Twitter DMs I received, it was taken down - I've kinda got better things to do than to reply to people who, amongst other things, called me "smarmy & condescending" and "seriously uncool" - I'm not uncool, just ask my mum.

I decided to go back. One of the complaints levelled at the previous review was that I had 'ambushed' Honest Burgers on their third day of trading so I thought heading back when they've had a good month at least to bed in and hone their craft seemed fair. So the return leg started well, the staff are still very nice and they've done some seriously fine work with the limited space afforded to them. I had previously moaned about the lack of pickles on my hamburger, so the Honest Burger - a mature cheddar (I know, I know) and smoked bacon topped creation - which prominently states the inclusion of pickles was swiftly ordered.

It arrived. Why do I have a knife? I don't know. The damned thing is in a bowl and even if I wanted to cut it in half it would be pretty tough considering this is a fucking butter knife. Anyways, the first sign of pressure on the bun and it began to collapse.

To aid the bun's destruction from above, it was helped by the liberal addition of red onion relish decaying the underside, a condiment that's still as unnecessary as it was on my last visit. As I delved in further, my prized pickle turned out to be a clumsily cut chunk of cornichon - a Byron-esque mess of preserved vegetable.

It's not Honest Burgers fault that I don't like cheddar on top of my hamburger, I probably shouldn't have ordered it - instead of a molten veil (a la processed American cheese-food) there was the usual hardened mass of dairy. The bacon, lacking any of its advertised smoke, was neither hear nor there - cooked to that murky no man's land between crisp and flabby. I wasn't asked how I'd like my 4/5oz (at a guess) of Ginger Pig beef cooked, it turned up north of medium, lacking any deep bovine flavour and utterly lost in the giant, disintegrating bun around it. Getting to the end was frankly, pretty difficult.

As you might be able to gauge from this, and if you were lucky enough to read it (LOLZ), my last review - I just can't bring myself to enjoy the hamburger from Honest Burgers. What I will say is that at £8 including chips it certainly is not bad value, also they have those vaguely ration-era enamel bowls that I like. Crockery bonus. But it's a wholly disjointed experience where no one element is better than mediocre.

I'm still going to visit the Village for the other excellent ventures - lovely ultra-local and seasonal fare from the Cornercopia, coffee from the Antipodean folk at Federation Coffee and the finest (read: only) salted caramel gelato I've ever had from Lab G. I really want to like Honest Burgers - why shouldn't I want to like a local business serving my favourite foodstuff? But unfortunately my dreams of a conveniently delicious meal on my doorstep have fallen apart, like so many poorly constructed hamburgers, around me.

McDonald's & the Miami Melt

2011-05-17T16:36:00.000+01:00

Me writing - and, in fact, you reading this, is a colossal waste of time but bear with me. McDonald's 'Great Tastes of America' will consist of 5 different hamburgers over the course of 5 weeks, the first sandwiched delight being the catchily alliterate Miami Melt. An ovoid car crash of a hamburger topped with a duo of processed cheese in the form of tangerine slices, a "smooth cheese sauce" (which is exactly as unsettling as it sounds), two slices of something resembling bacon and some vague greenery. Rest assured - it's disgusting. Shocking, huh?

Me getting on my soapbox about a lacklustre McDonald's hamburger is ridiculous, what was I to expect? Railing against a careless company for producing a careless hamburger is stupid and counter-productive, but with Ronald & co's sizeable R & D budget - expecting them to Google some combination of the terms 'Miami', 'native' and 'hamburger' doesn't seem like an unreasonable expectation of an organisation with presumably at least one computer. Miami, and Florida as a whole, has a rich hamburger culture which makes McDonald's creation even more baffling – the state's proximity to Cuba has resulted in the creation of the Cuban-American lovechild, the Frita. A combination of loose Cuban chorizo (or ground pork) and beef that gets doused with a mysterious red liquid (a combination of vinegar/spices etc.) as it cooks, then piled atop a squishy white bun and crucially topped with fried potato straws - top that with a slice of American cheese and you would have a truly worthy 'Miami Melt', one without the merest hint of 'smooth cheese sauce' anywhere near it. That's a comforting thought.

What I'm essentially trying to say is that McDonald's should get rid of everyone involved with making the Miami Melt and hire me instead as some sort of lone hamburger maverick, sure I might lose them a fair bit of cash trying to supply every branch with beef from the East London Steak Co. - but hey, imagine the headlines. You can't buy publicity like that.

You can see George Motz on a Miami frita crawl right here.

Ain't No Picnic? Ain't No Power - The 1st West Norwood Feast

2011-05-08T13:43:00.002+01:00

Well, after days (weeks) of spamming the hell out of Twitter, Facebook and whatever other faddish social media I could think of - it came time for firing up my griddle and attempting to sell some passable sliders at the inaugural West Norwood Feast.

With 20kg of East London Steak Co's dry-aged beef, a mammoth tupperware box of around 900 home made dill pickles, 15kg of finely mandolined onion, 240 buns, 224 slices of tangerine processed American cheesefood, various bits of hamburger paraphernalia and every conceivable piece of health & safety gear (HI LAMBETH COUNCIL) I own in tow - we pulled up, set up and were (almost) good to go.

The qualifying 'almost' is there mostly because of some teething problems with the generator hired for the day, but the volunteers that Space Makers had roped in, despite having no particular experience with generators, managed to plug, unplug and generally coax it into working. What good guys.

The first hour and a half were a mix of power outages (4. FOUR), me generally on the brink of losing mind and the sale of roughly 13 sliders. From then on a queue began to form possibly drawn by the unholy scent of steaming onion/cheese/meat and for the next two and a half hours, much to my amazement, I had a constant queue of people. Somehow we managed to sell out by 2.30pm, all 238 sliders and all but 2 slices of cheese gone (fun fact, American cheese that sticks to the back of a fridge is very difficult to remove).

On the whole, things went remarkably well - Petra from Eat.St made it down and wrote some very nice words, and despite not being able to make it to May's edition of the Feast, because of some financial constraints (i.e I'm completely poor) we'll DEFINITELY be there on the 5th June.

BRING YOUR FRIENDS

West Norwood Feast

2011-03-08T15:08:00.001Z

Anyone who's visited Brixton Village, the small indoor market just off Coldharbour Lane/Atlantic Road, will have seen the work that the excellent Space Makers agency have done in regenerating it. Transformed from a fairly desolate market area to a bustling space over the course of 12 months, from where there was (almost) nothing you can now get some excellent coffee courtesy of the lovely chaps over at Federation and locally sourced deli products (amongst other things) from Brixton Cornercopia along side a plethora of other fine, local businesses.

Now Dougald and the fine folks at Space Makers have turned their attention south to the vaguely forgotten area of West Norwood. Obviously I have a vested interest in this project hence the slightly sycophantic nature of this post, and 3rd April will see the inaugural West Norwood Feast market day which will see me stepping out for my first day of trading as Ain't No Picnic hamburgers. One of 4 market hubs dotted around the area, the food hub will be based on the green in front of St.Luke's church and apart from the hundreds of sliders you'll be buying (a man can dream, right?) there'll also be some top sausage rolls courtesy of newcomers Buntings bakery, an expertly curated choice of cheese and other foodstuffs from Good Taste Food & Drink and a market stall from blogging royalty Salad Club.

In terms of Ain't No Picnic, well I'll be keeping things as simple as possible offering the UK's only proper sliders, cooked on a flat-top griddle, with or without American cheese and a few homemade dill pickles to be distributed amongst your hamburgers as you see fit. We'll be around 10am-4pm on the 3rd and then the first Sunday of every month after, so come down and witness my steady demise.

http://westnorwood.spacemakers.org.uk/

Byron's Big D

2011-02-25T16:04:00.001Z

It's been a while since my last review of a hamburger eaten in public with y'know, other people and stuff? So, Byron's Big D was the target and after missing out last year - The Big D is only available for the month of February - thanks to an unbelievable amount of apathy on my part, I decided it was high time that this much lauded sandwich was crammed down my gullet.

Right, the good things first. 8oz (I've been trying to figure out why I always refer to hamburger weights in imperial measurements) of really quite nice O'Shea's coarsely ground chuck/ribcap blend, a decent quota of fat (around 75/25 at a guess) and a properly melted piece of American cheese. The first bite was a confounding one, revealing a perfectly pink medium interior but also the miserly hand of my cook with the salt shaker, 227g of beef can withstand a fucking blizzard of seasoning but seemingly the man cooking my hamburger had some concerns for my health. Nice dude.

Once you remove the excellent quality & accurate cooking of Darragh O'Shea's beef it's tough to find anything to get excited about. With an inch thick piece of beef nestled in a bun twice the size you're left with an almost unmanageable beef-to-bun ratio, its terrible appearance hints at a thoughtlessly constructed hamburger. Simply throwing a larger, 'premium' puck of meat on to the same terrible bun (and it is terrible, floury & with a bottom half that's reduced to a mere slip of mushy dough halfway through eating) does not automatically make a great product. The pickle spear (as seen in the top photo) is an absolute mess, to distribute it evenly in your sandwich you're left to play chef and mangle it into more manageable slithers yourself - I really don't understand the reluctance to offer pickle chips. To cap it all off I paid £15.50 in Byron's King's Road branch for a Big D, a can of A&W root beer & tip - considering that similar efforts over at steakhouses Goodman & Hawksmoor come in at £12 and £15 including chips respectively, I can't help but feel more than a little underwhelmed and underfed.

East London Steak Co. & The Black Label Burger

2011-01-26T16:07:00.000Z

A good butcher is hard to find. That sounds like something people say, doesn't it? Well, thanks to Twitter I was nudged in the direction of Richard H Turner and the fine East London Steak Company (talking of Twitter, I can be found here #shamelessselfpromotion). The array of cuts over at the online shop reminds me of browsing the window at London's best beef butchers (grudgingly, Jack O'Shea at Selfridges comes to mind), it's heartening to see the full gamut of cow parts on offer - the presence of bavette, onglet, short ribs, picanha and marrow bones is particularly exciting. I was immediately drawn to the Black Label Burger (£10 for 6) - a name that seems to borrow from New York's Minetta Tavern, and their universally lauded hamburger. The Minetta's creation comes courtesy of Pat LaFrieda and their ludicrously marbled, corn fed, dry-aged Creekstone beef - hence the hefty $26 price tag, with all these beefy associations rushing through my mind could a burger comprised of presumably grass fed British animals live up to their cousins the other side of the pond? Well, some photos first.

First things first, the packaging is wonderful. From the moment you get your hands on the box (pictured above) everything screams of a classy operation, the appearance of a provenance card (pictured way up at the top) only adds to that feeling. So, the hamburger then, initial signs were promising - a loosely packed, fat-flecked 6oz patty of enticing beauty. All that was left to do was season it aggressively (encouragingly, the point that they add no seasoning to this patty is stressed on the website) and get it in to a hot, hot pan.

After 7 minutes in the pan, a decent rest (any hamburger of this bulk should be properly rested between cooking and eating, the same rule doesn't apply to anything 4oz & down in my opinion) and a bun later I was ready to dive-in. In the interest of this being a true test of the beef, I opted for no accoutrements to distract from that, and how I was rewarded. This is a burger of real substance, a buttery, fat-basted beef bomb - the variety of cuts used providing a complex, multi dimensional beefiness that I've never really tasted in a sandwich outside of the States. In fact, on further 'research' the addition of American cheese and a little bit of onion only serves to enhance the deep, beefy flavour of it all. Also, at £10 for 6 (that's £1.66 a unit, maths fans) those of you looking for a burger bargain need look no further.

The East London Steak Company are very quietly going about their business, whilst other butchers are stuck in some time-warp, producing a hamburger of scraps bulked out with artificial seasonings (including the aforementioned Irish butcher) they're very much contributing to London's burgeoning hamburger scene with a thoroughly well researched, well executed product that would put any number of restaurants to shame. And to think, all of this whilst riding their fixed gear bikes, picnicking on London Fields, attending friend's warehouse gallery openings and fiercely debating the work of Bret Easton Ellis over a flat white. Astonishing.

NB - I have no proof that any member of the East London Steak Co. team displays any of the above behaviours of a stereotypical East London resident. I was merely trying, and failing to end on a humorous note. Please don't sue me.

Kewpee Lunch & An Odd Twist

2011-01-20T15:16:00.001Z

HELLO!

Well, I've obviously been away for quite some time - and my, how things have changed. The hamburger is currently riding a wave of cultural acceptance that's hardly been seen in this country, and with a hamburger seemingly on every menu (even at the newly anointed 2 Michelin star Restaurant Helene Darroze, albeit stuffed with braised Ox cheeks and topped with a tranche of Les Landes foie gras - donations for me to go and try it in the name of professional duty are kindly accepted. I LIKE CASH.) and the blogosphere (vomit) foaming at the mouth at every mention of various bits of beef between bread, it certainly seems that now is the time to be in the burger business.

So what have I been doing? I've kind of realised that going out to eat hamburgers is, well, expensive - or, it can be, and whilst I do enjoy hamburgers in public I've realised that hamburgers at home is the way forward. So with trusty flat-top griddle and Kenwood meat grinder in hand I've set about experimenting with Ain't No Picnic burger van very much at the forefront of my mind.

First up, my interest was piqued by an excellent A Hamburger Today article on Wisconsin's Kewpee Lunch, so I set about constructing something similar to those wonderful looking, hugely unpretentious hamburgers.

This is a piece of silverside from Waitrose, whilst I wouldn't usually use silverside in a hamburger I could barely ignore this marvellous, marbelled wonder (although the fat content was bumped up with a piece of chuck) this piece of meat is really quite outstanding seeing as it's from a supermarket butcher.

With the meat ground and pressed into uber-thin 2oz patties, onions diced and Kraft cheese unwrapped from those fiddly little packs it was time to cook and assemble. What I couldn't help but notice from those photos of Kewpee was how similar their sandwich was to a hamburger that is particularly close to my heart, the McDonald's double cheeseburger - described elsewhere as a work of 'trash genius', I think they are wonderful (an admission I should be ashamed of, but I'm absolutely not - they're wonders of construction and hot, filthy goodness) - so this little experiment took a rather bizarre twist of me essentially recreating Ronald's finest at home (I stuck leftover in the freezer patties to cook from frozen the next day, y'know for true authenticity).

As you can see from these photos (the bottom one is out of focus but I still like it in a 70s soft-focus kind of way ) the results were pretty good. Salty, fat-laden beef smothered in worryingly delicious Kraft all enclosed in a toasted white, enriched bun. Marvellous. In short, I was only a small amendment in the mustard/ketchup mix, a handful of those bizarre McDonald's frozen, diced onions, an obese child and a surly staff member away from completing the full Golden Arches experience. What an evening.

ThaT Burger, Watford.

2010-09-25T14:51:00.001+01:00

Watford is, on the face of it, a very strange place to start a new hamburger business. Locating said fledgling hamburger business opposite Watford High Street's only McDonalds outlet is an even more confounding notion, yet ThaT Burger has designs on doing something entirely different - and really quite exciting.

Stepping on to the premises it becomes abundantly clear at what it's owners are aiming for, the credo professing the use of fresh, never frozen produce plastered all over the walls means that at long last the UK has someone who is attempting to recreate a small piece of Los Angeles-based In'N'Out's cult success - Watford first, the rest of the world later.

The sight of the Shake Shack-style buzzer was reassuringly familiar and a portent of the excellent and wholly encouraging things to come. Some photos, why not?

The double Thatburger (with cheese, naturally) is absolutely outstanding and priced at a Ronald McDonald-baiting £3.55 is a complete and unmitigated bargain. Two thin, chrome-griddled patties provide a sufficient hit of fat and beefiness and perhaps, more importantly, pass the "squeeze test" - simply apply some light pressure to your next hamburger, that small trickle of fat you see well up from inside your beef is a marvellous thing. Really. The classic white, enriched bun - predictably baked fresh every day - contains the whole glorious mess admirably.

The chips are nothing short of glorious. Hand-cut, skin on, twice fried and somewhat strangely served in a cup, they are light years ahead of, not only, the usual high street suspects but those of 'Proper Hamburger' chain Byron. Honestly, I could do with a Scrooge McDuck style room in my house to wallow in them.

Onion rings and strawberry milkshake were provided on-the-house by the very affable manager at ThatBurger, Justin Davies - it's amazing what pulling a camera out of a bag can score you, eh? The milkshake was thick, rich and all those other words you expect to be associated with this fine beverage. The technique for making them was apparently pilfered from Midwestern hamburger powerhouse, Sonic although the ThatBurger version has fresh, halved strawberries stirred through at the last moment. The onion rings were the only thing I had a minor qualm with, again served in a cup, the batter didn't cling as tightly to the onion as I would have liked - resulting in the whole onion being pulled out of it's casing - they were, however, mighty tasty.

This nascent chain is absolutely brimming with confidence, and why shouldn't they be? The burger is far and away superior in quality (and price, for that matter) to anything available on any UK high street. A seemingly loyal local following and the ambitious nature of what ThatBurger has planned coupled with the mini-revolution in that we've witnessed in the 'fresh-never-frozen' hamburger scene across the pond, it seems utterly plausible that ThatBurger will achieve some great things. Watch.

Hamburger Rant.

2010-08-24T15:53:00.005+01:00

In the two months that I've not written anything for the internet's sake I had convinced myself that we were riding the crest of a hamburger-shaped wave. Yianni has been dragging his universally praised and brilliantly shiny new Meatwagon, along with a small band of staff, across a series of London venues. The promising, In'N'Out/Five Guys-a-like ThatBurger has flung open it's doors, albeit in the relative distant obscurity of Watford (I'll get there soon) and with Byron finally offering proper American cheese as an addition to their fine, but flawed (terrible bun, ridiculous pickle spear) "Proper Hamburgers" yes, I had fought my most pessimistic of urges and I began to believe that I was on the cusp of waking up, one day, in Utopian hamburger paradise.

Then this happened.

Where to start? The article itself is bad enough, terribly researched and advocating the use of Guinness and brown breadcrumbs (as is Ms.Cloake's preference) to form some sort of horrific meatloaf concotion. Yet, the madness does not stop with the offending published piece, because underneath is a glimpse in to the terrifying, hive-mind that is the Guardian Talk boards. Being a relentless internet nerd with way too much free time, I've collated some of the greatest hits from the comments section for your perusal :

"For starters, it's a beefburger, not a hamburger. It would only be a hamburger if it's primary meat was ham"

"Oats instead of breadcrumbs"

"500gm Beef mince, 1 small onion (grated), large handful cornflakes (crushed) "

"Angus beef, cooked through thank you (none of that trendy/food poisoning-inducing pink in the middle nonsense)"

And as this is The Guardian after all, I'm not sure it would be complete without some self-righteous tool chiming in :

"Tend to steer clear of dead animals, personally."

Now, I understand that what people want on their hamburgers is a wholly subjective topic and that I probably seem like a complete loon by expecting people to hue rigidly to what I consider is the ideal recipe. But I think a line probably needs to be drawn and some re-calculating done when you're about to throw a reasonable amount of your breakfast into a hamburger, or when you're sure that the best "hamburgers" are made with ostrich or bison or even when you insist that meat that isn't cooked to an austere grey is in some way unsafe. Furthermore, I realise that this all seems really quite petty and that in all actuality it, well, is. I should probably stop moaning so much.

Hamburgers - Further Learning.

2010-06-07T11:45:00.004+01:00

I think they call this a 'photoblog', the only problem I have with this label is that it implies I might have some sort of proficiency with a camera - I don't. So, in my continuing quest to straddle London's hamburger scene like some sort of Big Mac addled behemoth, I contacted a reputable London bakery with a request to make me a bun for use when my mobile food vending career begins, they listened, kindly sent me some free samples and to celebrate, I made hamburgers for myself. Look at some photos.

The bun is small, vaguely sweet and, (don't let that dark brown crust mislead you) really quite soft. After much deliberation I've decided to go without the usual sesame seed topping as a sort of tip-of-the-cap to the Kings of the hamburger bun world - the Martin's Dinner Roll.

After an 'interesting' chat with the butcher at Waitrose (NOT where I'll be sourcing my beef from, just the most convenient source of half-decent beef on a Monday) I settled on an unusual blend of what they were calling 'braising steak'(the fat carried in the small cubes told me that it was in all likelihood, chuck) and a small piece of well-marbled silverside. These were cooked to as close to the White Manna system as is possible which, in short, is:

Seasoned beef on griddle.
Add finely sliced onion, smash into beef.
Turn.
Add cheese (optional) and bun.
Allow to steam.
Remove.

So, this was an all round success, the buns served their purpose dutifully and provided ample backing to some pretty mediocre beef. As I had exactly 6oz of ground meat left I decided to have a go at creating the Minneapolis staple, inverted cheeseburger - the Ju(i)cy Lucy. The pictures get kind of blurry at the end due to all the smoke and grease flying off the griddle at this point but you still get the point. Yes, that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it.

Making this was far easier than expected, I had imagined a poorly sealed burger hemorrhaging yellow goo from numerous parts of its construction, but everything went swimmingly. I pressed one 3oz patty onto a sheet of clingfilm, filled it with torn American cheese (stupidly, not pictured), placed another 3oz patty on top and sealed it. After it had been shown the heat, it was placed atop what are the traditional garnishes of mustard, onion and pickle, cut in half and allowed to spew it's yellow insides everywhere - satisfying to say the least. The tiny bun actually held this monster quite sufficiently, albeit messily, I think I'll be getting a slightly larger bun to contain this when it comes round to being a special in the van.

If you have any misgivings about my expulsion of sesame seeds you can let me know in the comments or, like one anti-hamburger nut has, send me an e-mail telling we what's what. Bye.

Radio 4

2010-05-31T12:10:00.001+01:00

Hi! My new found celebrity status has extended to a brief but concise appearance on Radio 4's Food Programme alongside Yianni from The Meatwagon and Will Eat For Money's Ibzo.

Chekidoud.

A South London Hamburger Assessment

2010-05-24T13:05:00.003+01:00

Things in South London are getting better. From Transport For London's realisation that those South of the river may require a little, non-bus transport (see improbable map), to the New York Times writing an article praising the virtues of Deptford and New Cross - yes, things certainly are looking up. So with a new found sense of geographical pride, I've had a small investigation into what South London can do about salvaging the rest of the capital's ever-so-ropey hamburger scene.

Greenwich Union

From the outside, everything at the Greenwich Union seems promising - a small, neighbourhood pub stocking brilliantly maintained Meantime beers & ales on tap with a menu of seemingly passable pub grub (although a proliferation of "Med veg" should've been a bit of a warning of things to come) and an enthusiastic recommendation from one of the butchers at the excellent Ginger Pig. The 28-day aged, Angus hamburger itself sits happily on the lunchtime menu with an enticingly reasonable, £7.90 price tag.

Promising hamburger photography time

The bun, from Rhodes bakery, is my first problem here - with a dome that crumbles at the merest suggestion of pressure, crumbs and sesame seeds scattering all over the table and myself, this poor outer crust gives way to a vaguely sweet but oddly airy interior. This bread would not stand a chance against any sort of even vaguely juicy beef, so perhaps it's a blessing in disguise that the structural integrity is not threatened at all by what is a horribly coarse and dry patty. Streaks of mustard through beef that has had the unholy duo of egg and breadcrumbs added to 'bind' the meat (I have a rant coming on this subject, people will be pleased to hear) point to a wholly unloved burger.

Mmm...dry.

I learnt two things from my trip to Greenwich, the first that butchers are not always to be trusted (having worked for some pretty terrible people in that trade I should probably have known that already) and the second is that the Thames Clipper is probably the most fun way to get around town - so you might say that I didn't exactly get what I wanted out of the day.

The Meatwagon

Yianni and his supremely accurate burger-weighing system.

Yianni Papoutsis' Meatwagon pops up in South London's greatest hits - Peckham, Herne Hill, Camberwell - whenever his schedule will allow. A keen interest and some extensive field research into pan-American delicacies, from Philly cheesesteaks to fried chicken, means that he is very much a man after my own heart. Hamburgers are, however, what he is renowned for. Before I go any further I have to admit to committing a food blogger's cardinal sin, I didn't take a camera with me, so the the wholly in focus and properly lit photos come courtesy of Ibrahim and Samantha at Will Eat For Money - you should probably read it, it's alright.

My first visit to Yianni's trailer, with the aforementioned blogging folk, was marred by a little failing in directional sense - you see, when The Meatwagon is stationed in Peckham it's in an off-road industrial estate, hidden behind a huge truck with absolutely nothing to indicate that he might be there. This is a very small gripe however, because as soon as we found our way in and tasted the food any lingering doubts were completely cast aside.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is the best hamburger available in London

Yianni's cheeseburgers (£5) are unlike anything else I've eaten this side of the Atlantic - a vaguely fist-sized lump of 85/15 chuck is pulled out of a fridge, the meat is then seasoned properly with lots of salt and pepper on one side with this seasoned side then being squashed down onto a, in the man's own words, 'fucking hot' seasoned flat-top. The griddle creates my own, personal hamburger Holy Grail; the salty crust which gives way to a perfectly medium-rare interior. Mr.Papoutsis' secret-weapon American cheese (a proper cheese product but with all the dirty allure of a Kraft single, he's got his lips sealed on this one) is then placed atop with the whole glorious mess being concealed briefly under a lid; to allow the cheese to permeate every crevice, when the burger's cover is broken it is set upon a soft, white, very very light sourdough bun with mustard, ketchup, pickles, lettuce and red onion (N.B London's other hamburger cooks - NO BLOODY TOMATO).

From the first bite to the last these hamburgers are special, the torrent of juice tumbling forth almost soaked through a small patch on the paper plates provided. The green chile cheeseburger (£6 and unfortunately not photographed) is just as good, with a mound of jalapeno peppers stewed down in a stick of butter and chicken stock and then liberally applied along with cheese to the top of the hamburger. Damn.

Now summer is officially upon us The Meatwagon folks will be a lot more viable, especially seeing as they've been offered a regular spot at Herne Hill's Florence pub which is, handily, a ten minute stroll across the park from my girlfriend's house (FUCK YES). The next meeting (or MEATing, as Yianni would have it, do you see what he's done there?) is this Wednesday 26th May from 7pm-11pm and I would wholeheartedly advise you to get down early because as the word spreads, the food supplies in the tiny, but hugely lauded trailer diminish quicker and quicker. Don't say that you weren't warned.

Oh, and I'll be there WITH a camera, no less.

Hamburger Empire

2010-05-03T13:00:00.004+01:00

Writing this post has been a laborious process, I think I'm suffering from an affliction that everyone experiences at one point in their lives - some sort of hamburger-related creative crisis, if you will. Anyways, with my basic idea laid out I thought divulging details of what I have planned to keep people returning to my van would make sense.

So first, and probably most importantly, hamburgers - with sliders being my day-in-day-out business, I'll be offering daily/weekly/fortnightly/monthly specials that'll attempt to recreate the myriad American regional hamburger styles. A few I'll be turning my attentions towards are as follows -

Oklahoma Onion burger - the point where the Mid-Western smashed burger & slider collide.
Ju(i)cy Lucy - essentially a self-contained cheeseburger. Napkins/bibs will most probably be provided.
Maid Rites - not strictly a hamburger in the traditional sense, but still meat-in-bun (also, the recipe I have contains beer & mustard, surely the cornerstones of gastronomy).
Guberburger - peanut butter on a hamburger?! Damn straight. And, depending on public reception, a likely candidate for the 'Huge Failures' pile. NB: may contain bacon.
Several In-N-Out tributes - In-N-Out is my Holy Grail, my Mecca and despite having never been (something I'll be looking to amend next year) it seems only fitting to attempt to honour the West Coast chain by butchering their hamburgers. Classically, In-N-Out's creations contain lettuce and tomato so I'd expect to see these when the summer is upon us and I can get my all-too-greasy mitts on some decent veg. Pale, insipid, watery Dutch tomatoes are quite frankly, disgusting.
Green Chile Cheeseburgers - made famous, for me anyways, by the Bobcat Bite in George Motz's Hamburger America documentary - I'll need to somehow source some Hatch green chile for true authenticity.
East Coast style 'Bar' Burgers - a giant, fist-sized lump of beef. Minimal accompaniments. Good times.

Also, expect chips to be given special treatment - please note that all chips will come from actual, whole potatoes and will never EVER be frozen - so cheese will come into play at some point, as will gravy (think Poutine, people who think that the Renaissance is mankind's greatest achievement are sorely mistaken). In-N-Out's secret menu staple Animal style fries will no doubt be a regular occurrence. Hell, I may even make onion rings.

If there's any hamburger that I've missed and you feel I should try my hand at pleases feel free to leave suggestions/death threats/ransom notes below. YEAH.

Hamburger Plan.

2010-04-12T12:58:00.011+01:00

People always have an ulterior motive and I'm absolutely no different. Whilst I've been writing about hamburgers I've had an idea in gestation that is (for me, anyways) quite exciting. Translating my enthusiasm for hamburgers into something tangible and only vaguely internet-related is important so my plan over the course of however-damn-long-it-might-take is to, basically, start a hamburger van.

The concept for Ain't No Picnic (an original name, I know) is to serve New Jersey style sliders to the London public as often as I can. Simplicity is the key to any good idea, so at the moment I'm concentrating on the fact that if I'm ever likely to make ANP a success - some serious work will have to be done in creating an outstanding hamburger. Although there are already some stumbling blocks (the unavailability of my favoured Martin's Potato Rolls in the UK, for example) I plan to leave no stone unturned in the pursuit of great beef, a suitable bun (preferably made to my spec by a London baker), as good a British onion as I can lay my hands on, and excellent cheese. I'm already working with the rather good Prince's Trust, who have put me on a 'Business Development Program', and it is hopefully through them that I'll be securing the majority of my funding.

So, over the course of the next couple of months I'll be detailing my attempts to learn how to run a business and any experiments (failed or otherwise) that I might take a run at. I've already had help on the design front from illustrator-extraordinaire Ben Fordree, so hopefully there'll be some serious improvements in look and feel of this blog.

Writing about hamburgers is somewhat cathartic, and to a certain extent I'll still be reviewing certain efforts across London in an attempt to profile my 'competition', but I considered that pursuing a career where I'm surrounded by hamburgers all day could be far more rewarding, and far tastier.

New York General Food Round-Up.

2010-04-09T15:52:00.006+01:00

I, shock horror, like food that isn't meat-in-bread-with-cheese. Whilst that statement sinks in, try to be entertained by the details of some other food I ate over the course of 8 days in New York.

Momofuku Noodle Bar/Milk Bar

David Chang is a genius. There, I said it. Any man who can get me to sit on the internet frantically trying to secure a reservation for a plate of $100 fried chicken is only deserving of such a label. The various quirks of the fried chicken dinner reservation system meant I snagged an unfeasibly late 10pm slot to eat. So, my party of 6 would-be chicken conquerors arrived at Momofuku with serious appetites and after further lubrication from a round of excellent, slushy Dark & Stormy cocktails we were ready to eat. This being a Chang restaurant you are obliged to start with an order of his pork buns.

This tastes three thousand times better than it looks

These are one of the best things I have ever eaten, if I hadn't had a huge amount of fried chicken coming I would have sat there all night eating them until they asked me to leave. I would move to New York just to be close to them. They are amazing.

Gushing over, we were presented with 4 sauces (jalapeno & garlic, bibim, hoisin, ginger & scallion), a giant bowl of Bibb lettuce, carrot, radishes, shiso leaves, Thai basil, mint and a dish of mu shu pancakes. Then came chicken mountain. Instructed that the earthy, brown side was the southern fried bird and the shiny, red side the triple-fried Korean portion – we dived in. The southern fried half is comparable to the Colonel's chicken, except that Chang's effort is obviously a supreme piece of poultry, juicy even at the deepest point of the breast and greasy in the best possible sense of the word. So perhaps it's not that similar. The Korean half has a ridiculously crispy skin with a glass-like sheen and a pleasant punch of heat. I largely ignored the sides – finding that wrapping fried chicken in pancakes/lettuce leaves can't greatly improve what is already almost perfect.

CHICKEN MOUNTAIN!

Chicken finished (almost, there was a lot even for six of us) we waddled over a couple blocks to Chang's dessert joint Milk Bar, I opted for soft-serve ice cream – a far-too-rich but fairly tasty Red Velvet and a cup of Milk Bar's signature, astonishing, pseudo-stoner classic Cereal Milk ice-cream. The latter does exactly what is says on the tin, it 'only' tastes like sweetened corn flakes but its brilliance lies solely in the audacity of its simplicity. Also, the cookies are really fucking good. In short, I quite like David Chang and his food (his cookbook is even really good) - I wish he was my friend.

Aftermath

Tehuitzingo
Knowing that I'm quite a big fan of Mexican food (y'know, burritos and whatnot) mobile content whizkid, and obliging host Dave Pinke took us for our first 'proper' tacos ever. The restaurant in question is Tehuitzingo in Hell's Kitchen, you may not immediately recognise this as a restaurant but a little walk down the corridor, behind the fridges full of Mexican fruit punch, you'll see a tiny window at the end of the mirrored hallway where two women are most definitely doing some cooking.

Looking 'cool' with awesome Mexican tat.

Being the ever-adventurous type (read: pretentious) I went for the enticing sounding beef tongue, pig skin & pig's ear. Each arrived wrapped in a soft, warm corn tortilla (from Los Hermanos in Bushwick, the Pat LaFrieda of the tortilla world) and with a scattering of chopped onion and coriander. The ear was dealt with first but was disappointing as the original organ has been diced far too small to enjoy most of it's gristly pleasure, but from then it was solid gold hits - the beef tongue was perfectly tender, the pig skin crunchy, with a satisfying slick of soft fat, I grabbed a bite of Dave's al pastor (braised pork shoulder with pineapple) which was similarly brilliant. A table-top, LA-style bar was chock full of fantastic home-made and viciously spicy salsas to keep everything suitably fresh.

Tacos, before the introduction of burning hot salsa.

Tehuitzingo is a ten-minute walk from Times Square, and whilst the hoards of tourists are munching down at the bloody Hard Rock Cafe, if you're feeling even the slightest bit curious, go. You'll only enjoy it.

Shake Shack, Madison Square Park.

2010-04-08T14:28:00.009+01:00

Shake Shack shack, photo-ruining woman in the foreground

Since Shake Shack opened in 2004 the internet has been abuzz with nothing but praise for Danny Meyer's take on a "...modern day "roadside" burger stand". So, the last thing that the 'blogosphere' (vomit) probably needs is another paean to how great it is - well, that's exactly what I'm about to do. Deal with it.

The basic components and proportions of a Shake Shack sandwich are so comfortingly familiar - a 4oz custom Pat LaFrieda beef blend, Martin's Potato Rolls and perfectly yellow, gooey (Kraft?) American cheese - that really nothing but the basic hamburger, cheeseburger or Shackburger (a cheeseburger with a Thousand Island-esque 'secret' sauce) should ever be considered.

That said, my lady and I's visit to the Shack was on the last day of our hamburger odyssey; and after a week of freezing in near-Arctic conditions it was something of a surprise to leave our bastion in Brooklyn for the Madison Square Park location in glowing late-February sunshine. Despite the sunshine, and the fact it was a Saturday lunchtime, the infamous queue hadn't materialised yet so we were quickly to the front and we got our order on - 3 Shackburgers, 1 cheeseburger, 1 cheese fries and a strawberry shake.

Shake Shack box of joy, sometimes eating is more fun than taking photos.

The first bite made it abundantly clear why this sandwich has led New York's own hamburger-renaissance; even a slight overcooking of the product couldn't suppress the excellence of the meticulously sourced LaFrieda beef, Shake Shack's much-publicised 'smashing' technique (a method whereby a hockey puck sized piece of beef is pressed onto their searing-hot, flat Miraclean griddle thus creating beautifully crisp edges and a giving, salty crust) is by far-and-away the best way to cook a hamburger. The cunningly buttered and toasted bun lends it's sweet and chewy charms to things. Even, EVEN the slices of plum tomato were wonderfully ripe and flavourful.

I realise I haven't championed the cause of side dishes over the mammoth course of this one-month blog, but Shake Shack's cheese fries are worth eulogising over. The fries themselves are crinkle cut and passable but add their homemade, umami-rich American cheese sauce and they become a thing of wonder. I think I may have licked the cardboard container in desperation after the last of them were gone. Cool.

Danny Meyer obviously researched the shit out of his idea before he got anywhere near to opening, and that's really evident in the sheer attention-to-detail on show throughout Shake Shack's menu. How the quality of the mini-chain might suffer with their rapid expansion this year - two New York restaurants, Miami and Kuwait (really) - remains to be seen. But all pessimism aside, talk of a London opening is genuinely exciting not just for us human folks, but for the squirrels of London's parks too. Cue annoying animal video.

N.B - excuse the paucity and quality of photography here, I'm waiting for some actual, real, physical film to be developed and then I will update.

Burger Joint, Le Parker Meridien, NYC

2010-03-29T18:52:00.004+01:00

Hot, steamy burger action. That way.

Hidden behind a curtain in the foyer of the 4-star Le Parker Meridien is, believe it or not, Burger Joint. There's no particular history to this place, an amount of novelty certainly - but history? No siree. All there is to find is a hamburger which is consistently finding itself in the top-echelons of many New York City-wide burger polls, including this one.

Aiming for an early-ish dinner at Burger Joint to, in theory, beat the queues (which can stretch right back to the hotel's front doors) seemed like the thing to do, but we arrived and were greeted by a queue and packed dining room - so that was our cunning plan put paid to, then. However, cheeseburgers and beer were (eventually) ordered and then I did what any hungry person does when they recieve a wax-paper wrapped, bundle of meaty happiness - take photos.

Serious juicy action, annoying tomato.

My reasons for only producing one photo (of faintly grainy quality) are two-fold, firstly Burger Joint is a pretty dingy place and as I understand it, light is fairly important when it comes to taking photos. Secondly, photography isn't exactly one of my strengths, essentially - I'm really quite bad (in stark contrast to the seriously excellent photography skills of those pesky Will Eat For Money folks).

Anyways, the sole photo you can see above reveals that this burger is mad-juicy, again(!) I was being spoiled by a wonderful custom Pat LaFrieda beef blend, topped once more with a wonderful slice of American cheese. My only gripe with the meat portion is the fact that it's grilled (as opposed to being cooked on my preferred seasoned, flat griddle) imposing a slight lick of chargrilled-flavour. Otherwise, it's another triumph for those great LaFrieda people. The salad included in the burger is unfortunately pretty bland - the slice of pale, insipid tomato was the first thing to be removed and the lettuce wasn't much better. The bun was another stumbling point, aesthetically pleasing but half-way through the structural integrity of it was threatened by the juices gushing forth from the patty.

But bitching & moaning about the tiny details seems futile as this hamburger, despite it's flaws, is light-years ahead of the majority of efforts being offered all over London - although we're slowly cottoning on to what makes a great hamburger.

White Manna, Hackensack, NJ

2010-03-25T18:57:00.005Z

Me - outside White Manna, petrol station.

Hackensack is a remarkably awkward place to get to if you're as lazy as I am, but in a "relentless" pursuit of hamburgers on my short holiday I felt obliged to make the trip out to White Manna, a tiny shack in the New Jersey town that's been in exactly the same place since 1946, trufax.

Anyways, White Manna are famous for one thing - sliders (a subject I broached in a previous post) and the little, chrome diner is widely considered to be the place that all other sliders shacks must compare themselves to. Ordering at White Manna is something of a lottery, and not something really designed for oh-so-polite English people, but the lady running the griddle seemed to be some sort of Rain Man-esque hamburger savant. From the moment someone in the awaiting crowd barks out an order she sets in motion a ruthlessly efficient cooking method which I'll outline right now, yes.

Apply ordered number of meatballs (fresh ground chuck) to the searing hot griddle. Single is roughly 1oz, double is, well, double this.
Season and then, if ordered with onions, smash ethereally thin slips of onion directly in the meatball to form a small disc.
After a good crust is formed on the cooked side, flip, apply cheese (American) and bun (Martin's).
Allow steam arising from the onions to cook the remainder of the burger, melt the cheese, and impart onion goodness into bun.
Remove from griddle, place on paper plate and apply pickles to , rightly, be distributed amongst the burgers by person eating.

The onions being allowed to cook that way is the key to this slider's success - because of that light caramelisation the onion takes on it adds a sweet note which with melted, neon cheese is present through every bite. And is delicious. The quality of the beef is great (again) and despite it being cooked all the way to well done, it has sufficient fat in it to still remain juicy throughout. Is this where photos go? Yes, yes it is:

White Manna's 'showpiece' griddle, there for all to see.

Soon for my face.

White Manna is cramped, busy and difficult to get to for those who can't drive (damn London's fairly efficient public transport system) but the sliders would be worth a trip twice as long, the generally really nice clientele make waiting for a seat far more bearable - maybe because hearing English people in Hackensack is a novelty - the only thing worth worrying about is how to order. For that, just ask Steve Martin.

NEW STUFF

2010-03-11T17:55:00.001Z

As an antidote to the slightly depressing chore of having to read, and write, reviews of these illustrious burger joints I have decided to break the monotony with the exciting news of a couple of hamburger-related purchases. Riveting stuff, I know.

First-off observe my mighty new mincer attachment for my Kenwood mixer, thing. Now I can mince all-day and all-night and there's not a damn thing anyone can do about it.

Half-man, half-mincer. Chortle.

Mostly this will be used for grinding beef but you may note that this is a "multi food grinder" which means that I can mutilate all kinds of animals into strange shapes with it's razor-sharp blades. BONUS.

Next - marvel at my cast-iron, non-stick, stove-top griddle. The really remarkable part about this is that it not only has one flat surface BUT if you turn it over there's also a ridged surface. Photograph ahoy.

So, I'll be making prototype hamburgers/sliders over the coming weeks and months for some sort of burgeoning hamburger empire that I may or may not be planning. Mostly I will just feed myself and my friends. Mostly.

Shopsin's General Store, Essex Street Market.

2010-03-08T16:09:00.005Z

Shopsin's plate. Wiped completely clean.

Kenny Shopsin is the chef, owner and part-time dictator/tyrant of his unclassifiable East Village eatery. With a mostly bizarre 900-item menu which changes whenever he damn well feels like it and a set of house rules (no parties of over 4, everyone has to eat a meal, no mobile phone use) he certainly isn't a man to be taken lightly.

So it was of no surprise when my girlfriend and I pitched up at 10.30am to be greeted by the sight of Kenny, resplendent in his 'Eat Me' t-shirt and red sweatband, guarding the entrance. Quietly we shuffled by, found a table for two and attempted to navigate the menu's many strange nooks & crannies. Effectively, I had had my mind made up for me by Nick 'Beef Aficionado' Solares, who writes so well on the subject of hamburgers and in particular, sliders (sliders, for the uninitiated, are explained by his excellent article). Nick's praise for Kenny Shopsin's version of the tiny, beef-onion-cheese wonders, "the best in New York" by all accounts, had me drooling in anticipation for what would be my first 'proper' sliders. Ever.

A personal milestone. Sad, I know.

The wait was excruciating - my girlfriend's rich, spicy and all-around wonderful jambalaya arriving a good 10 minutes before my hamburgers appeared in front of me.

But soon my wait was over and now I'm able to get into specifics, so let 's start with the onions - surprisingly thick-cut and with the slightest hint of char, they had obviously spent some time in a deep-fat fryer and were all the better for it. The cheese is classic, yellow, American - no complaints at all. The meat, heavily marbled ground chuck from Jeffrey's (literally feet from Shopsin's kitchen) is frankly amazing. Seasoned then violently seared on the flat-top and finally nestled in to the perfect vehicle - the slightly sweet, yielding and near-mythical-in-the-UK Martin's Dinner Rolls (of which I have a small stash that I brought home with me in my freezer, a comforting thought) as soon as I had finished my first bite I'd like to think that I remarked "This is the best hamburger I have ever eaten" but really I was all too involved in eating to put together such a coherent sentence.

Kenny Shopsin seems to actively avoid any sort of publicity and would no doubt hate my efforts to translate his work from plate to mildly-annoying blog. But if you're on Manhattan, are good at obeying rules and are thrilled by the idea of having breakfast/lunch served to you with the very real possibility of a mild torrent of abuse then go. Really.

Bill's Bar & Burger, Meatpacking District.

2010-03-02T17:30:00.001Z

Bill's Bar & Burger opened back in October to rave reviews from the 'Bu rg er at ti' - sometimes, I hate the internet. Despite being in their hamburger infancy their griddle-smashed, fast-food style hamburgers drew huge praise from hamburger veteran George Motz, writer and director of the rather good Hamburger America, who labellled the burger as "...a new classic". Boasting a custom blend of beef sourced from the somewhat ubiquitous Pat LaFrieda (on whom a whole lot more at some point in the future) and a super-hot, chrome plated and wildly expensive Miraclean griddle I was keen to find out what all the fuss was about. So after arriving back from Connecticut, taking a short Subway ride and trudging across the icy, semi-industrial and aptly-named Meatpacking District we reached our destination.

Looking at the menu was, for me anyways, wholly pointless. Having steeled myself for Bill's in the weeks and months leading up to my visit I had already decided well in advance what it was I was going to be eating. That said, The Fat Cat is a double cheeseburger with caramelised onions which is usually served on an English muffin, but being a bit of a traditionalist I subbed in the regular Arnold bun (classic looking, sesame-seed topped) used on the rest of the menu. The burger did not suffer at all for my little bit of insubordination, the smashing technique giving the patty a brown, salty crust and the LaFrieda blend offering superb, buttery, juicy beefiness. Look at some typically grainy, poorly-lit photos!

My half-demolished Fat Cat.

My girlfriend's slightly more complete Bill's Classic with Cheese. She has some restraint.

There were some sides ordered as well but I'm not going to bother boring the whole internet with details of those because well, who really cares about sides? Not me sir, no. (The onions rings are good, though).

So you know how I usually like to end on a light-hearted note? Y'know, similar to how they do on the news - where after an hour of barely newsworthy items (natural disaster, murder, financial collapse blahblahblah) they have a picture of something awesome like a cat? Well, some things never change:

Google, likes taking pictures of where you live. Hates deer.

BYE!

Louis' Lunch, New Haven.

2010-03-02T10:58:00.002Z

Where better to begin a burger tour than with the place that - allegedly - started it all? Well, to my mind there was no other way I could really start anywhere else so with flights booked, boarded and flown and the co-operation of the rad people who would be putting us up in both New Haven & New York, we took a hugely jet-lagged and slightly hungover 2-hour train north from Grand Central.

 
I essentially spent the whole day in anticipation of what I considered to be the real beginning of my hamburger education, no longer would I have to stare at other people's photos for hours on end trying to imagine what those toast-clad patties taste like, or just how many I would order or even how I would feel when my name is called and I make the walk up to the counter to collect my order of those historic little burgers. I was fully aware that at around 8 o'clock that evening I would be reaching a personal burger milestone. How was it? Technical details after a few of photos:

                                                      
 I can safely say that I was not dissapointed at all - after entering the tiny shack, placing my order of one ham works, one cheese works (that is one hamburger and cheeseburger topped with the "only acceptable condiments" of tomato and onion) and an excellent Foxon Park Gassosa I waited for what, for me, seemed like an eternity. Having finally heard my name being called by Jeff Lassen, the great grandson of original owner and if they're to be believed the inventor of the hamburger Louis Lassen, I tucked in straight away. It is really, really good.

Firstly, the beef is of amazing quality and I've never been so surprised that such a lean burger - reportedly a 90/10 lean to fat mix - is so juicy (the vertical grilling of the burgers mean that any excess fat drips down to be discarded later) and their closely guarded secret of 5 different cuts of cow lends a great, crumbly texture. Whilst the common consensus amongst our small group was that it required a touch more seasoning, the fact that everyone managed to get through two lends it's own weight as a counter-argument. The toast holds its own as a vehicle and, whilst I'll always prefer a bun, it managed to absorb the torrent of bloody juices (see photo above) admirably. The cheese? Well the Velveeta-esque cheese spread that is applied is suprisingly subtle, I was expecting a shock of tangy cheese flavour but what I really got was a subtle supporting note. A very pleasant surprise.  

I am determined to get through this review without wading into the whole really-pretty-boring ketchup row - you know, how no ketchup is offered and if you even so much as think about adding it to your burger you're a fool. Yes, I refuse to stick my nose in there. So I will leave it up to Mr.Burns to sum up my feelings on the subject. Take it away, Montgomery.

GAHHHH! METAL!!

2010-02-25T13:32:00.001Z

After seeing the mighty, mighty Mastodon last night, I felt it only right to tease myself and the, at a push, 7 people who may read this blog with a photo of the aptly behemoth-sized Mastodon burger from Kuma's Corner (all the burgers are named after good metal bands, they even have a Pig Destroyer sandwich, outstanding!) in Chicago - right on the shores of Lake Michigan, which was the subject of an Imax film about the re-introdution of sturgeon to the area that I watched recently. Fascinating, huh? Anyways, in your facehole:

I have at this time, unfortunately, no reason to go to Chicago but one day I will have some money, time and an empty belly and the Mastodon burger and I will have a rendez-vous. A tasty, tasty rendez-vous.

Right, introductions.

2010-02-24T15:45:00.001Z

My name is Marcus, I am 24 years old and I am a resident of London, England. LOOK AT ME!

I like stuffing food in my face, specifically I like stuffing hamburgers in my face. So a logical step for me seems to be starting a (probably) all too self-indulgent burger blog, right? WRONG! Mainly because, like many people before me have pointed out, trying to gauge the "best burger" in London is largely an exercise in futility. Whilst I do hear of the occasional good effort (The Hawksmoor, I'm looking at you) there's nothing to match the vast swathe of stunning fast-food style burgers available for you to demolish at a very reasonable price all over USA (and more specifically New York City and it's surrounding environs)

I've recently returned from a 'burger tour' of NY and had my mind blown several times by the sheer quality of some of the hamburgers and sliders I ate (I'll be posting photos, reviews and even a short film I made on here over the coming weeks & months). My goal is, eventually, to bring everything that is great about American fast-food style burgers and sliders to Blighty.

Calvin Trillin, the American food writer, once said:

"Anyone who doesn't think that their hometown has the best hamburger is a sissy"

Unfortunately enough for me, I guess I'm a sissy.